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I am a confused soul, trying to find the meaning of life. And I feel, there is no better way to see things clearly than to write them down. So I write...oops..type ;)

Saturday, August 07, 2010

Goodbye

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 13; the thirteenth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

I boarded the train  to Nasik with heavy baggage and a heavy heart. I was getting goosebumps going back to Nasik to attend a family function after such a long time. I had almost decided that I will never go there again to attend any get together.

My Sister and my Aunt were accompanying me on this train journey. They too had some apprehensions about going there, but they seemed much more relaxed, at least that's what their countenance suggested. 

So here I was, sitting in one of the worst kept trains, completely annoyed with my surroundings, which further aggravated my misery. I wasn't able to discern, what was bothering me more; the train or my apprehensions about this journey or rather the destination. Meanwhile, me, my sister and my Aunt had some rather long conversations, as it was time to catch up with the happenings in our lives. During all that talk, my mind would invariably keep going back to the original question; "Why the hell did I embark upon this journey?" I couldn't find any answers. 

The ghosts of our collective past have been haunting me for almost 5 years now, which is why I have turned down the request to travel to Nasik ever since, unless something really urgent needed my attention. That would strictly be a one day trip. Nothing more.

We reached Nasik at 4 o clock at night or morning. Uncle had come to receive us at the station. My heart started pounding as we approached our house. I didn't want to stay there. I just could not come to terms with the divided house. A House, not divided by physical structures, but the hearts and minds of its inmates were now poles part. Both my uncles wouldn't see each other eye to eye. This was in complete contrast to my childhood days when all of us grew up together; Children and Adults alike. It used to be one big joint family during my summer vacations. No one could tell, who is whose child. Everyone was loved and respected equally.

I had not spoken to my cousin brother, son of my estranged uncle, for almost a year now. Everyone said, we were inseparable as kids, even though we used to fight like crazy. We were brothers more than cousins. And now, things had reached a nadir; I had to take permission to attend his wedding. Almost unfathomable not too long ago.

The festivities began the next morning with a lot of fanfare and everyone seemed to be in a jovial mood. However, I was still stuck in a time warp where the divisions didn't exist. I was craving for that elusive wish to come true. That morning, I happened to cross paths with my other uncle and Aunt. Spoke to them at length, as to how they were doing. They were and are still the same for me, regardless of whatever had transpired in the meantime.

However I was pulled up by others for this brazenly defiant act of mine of talking to the other side. But, everyone was back to their usual self soon as though nothing unholy had happened, just a moment ago. Seemed like, I only had to be reprimanded enough to realize the ground realities.

That evening I happened to go the temple near our house. Place, which we so often visited, as kids, during our summer vacations. Although I am no more a believer, but that temple was more than a temple for me. It was one place where I could sit and reminisce the moments of yesteryear's.  It was a storehouse of memories treasured over two long decades.

After spending close to an hour at the temple, alone, during that rainy evening,  I realised, perhaps I was the only one who had not yet come to terms with the present day. Everyone else had moved on with life. I needed to be a little more brave to accept the facts as they are and not yearn for how they ought to be according to me. That was surely an exercise in futility.

That moment I decided to wave Goodbye to the disquiet I harbored towards my tumultuous past and accept things as they are. Things now seem much more easier to handle. 

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

44 comments:

  1. Well said, liked ur style of writing!
    All the best for BAT!!

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  2. Gud one.. i was thinking how you are going to relate to the topic

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  3. this is such a prevalent issue. elders of the families have conflict and the victims include the relations that the younger ones face.
    i can completely relate to the going back to a previous residence as well. I think this experience is personable and unique.

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  4. @Viyoma...welcome to my world of words!
    I am glad that you liked my style of writing :) Thanks for Appreciating!

    All the best to you too for BAT :)

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  5. @Shruti...Thanks for dropping by and sharing your views :)
    Yeh, i agree...the story doesn't totally fit into the Goodbye mould..but a Goodbye nevertheless ;)

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  6. @Sidra...welcome to my blog world!

    Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts! I agree...this story is repeated in almost every other family and the younger ones are expected to fall in line ...a line defined by the elders...and sides taken.

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  7. Well written, feels like you knew the feeling when you wrote it...

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  8. Haila! half an hour mein you managed to write so much? o_O haath hai ki hathoda? ;)

    On a serious note,job nicely done in a short span of time you had at hand! Your linguistic skill is commendable :) I had to google for certain words! Phew! :)

    I could relate to the story. I've estranged cousins one whom I found on FB accidentally! Last time I saw him was 18 years back..I was 6 and he was 4!But we are no longer the carefree kids we used to be! The growing up,the EGO,the whole 'my-family-might-not-like-this' feeling stopped us from adding each other up:( It was instant HELLO and GOODBYE :( Sigh! Realities poke mercilessly and saying Goodbye is tough!

    The posts are getting better and better each time :) Keep at it.I see a lot of potential in you Mr.Basude ;) :)

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  9. Very true!sometimes it's better to accept things as they are rather than clinging to the past.The story has been narrated well.Really liked it.

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  10. @Worthless Rantings...Welcome to my world! I appreciate your giving it a thought to look for the idea behind the post.
    You are right here...the I in this story is Me.
    Our words are mere manifestations of our thoughts and convictions.

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  11. Nice selections of words.. ATB :)

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  12. Sigh! Family feuds ... they change the realities for us much too permanently don't they?

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  13. @Raksha...Wow!...chalo koi to samajhta hai ki mujhme potential hai ;)

    But, on a serious note...how glad I was to read that statement..from Raksha madam :)

    Well, I feel you are being kind to me by saying, job nicly done..or maybe u were euphemistic in ur expression :P...coz in the end what matters is the final product..there can be no excuses for a not so good post!..rite! I know this could have been so much more better than what I managed to scribble in half an hour.

    However, thanks for your support :)
    Keep coming back! :)

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  14. Very well written ... best of luck for BAT

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  15. @Jaspreet...Welcome to A Fresh start :)

    Yeh true, its better accept things as they are...but as u would also agree...its easier said than done.
    Human beings crave for the ideal...but after much suffering ...accept the realities.

    Glad that you liked the story :)

    Do keep comming back!

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  16. @Guddu...Thanks for paying a visit :)

    Thanks for appreciating my words...and sharing your views!

    All the best to you too!

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  17. @Ritu...yes...u bet!
    Family feuds take a lot away from you...and creates a big void in your life that is hard to overcome...or reconcile to.

    Thanks for dropping by to share your thoughts :)
    Keep coming back!

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  18. @sunny...thanks for dropping by and sharing ur thoughts :) and thanks for the appreciation.

    All the best to you too!

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  19. You have a unique style of writing.. What a way to relate them, great...

    Yours Frendly,
    Someone Is Special

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  20. Hi;

    Almost perfect English...:)Well narrated story and yes so touching also re: family issues...

    All the best for BAT!

    btw, thanks for your comments on my blog...pls come back..:)

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  21. All along I was thinking how would you related it the topic... very nicely done...
    yes its better to accept reality as soon at some point of time ...

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  22. Refreshing and practical post.
    I liked it very much.
    Written under half hour? Like Raksha I too had to google a few words :D

    ATB for BAT13
    Gkam - Goodbye

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  23. Every family has that kind of conflict at least once! Some are short-lived, some just go on for generations.

    And about your post - Very optimistic and different interpretation of the topic.

    All the best!

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  24. @Someone is Special...thanks for dropping by sharing ur thoughts.
    I m glad you u liked the story and my style of writing as well :)

    Keep coming back!

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  25. @Amity...Thank you so much madam :)
    My english isn't all that great...you just need to copy paste ur text into MS word....fix it and then copy it back...simple ;)

    Keep coming back!

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  26. @Dhiman...Thanks a lot sir!
    Well, while writing the story I didnt have any such intention of keep it that way...it just turned out to be that way.....that i revealed Goodbye in the penultimate line :)

    Keep coming back!

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  27. I know how it feels. I can relate to the story too. But, here it's between my father and his elder brother. Don't know what makes them take such decisions like creating a divide between themselves.

    ~Vee...

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  28. @gkam...Thanks for appreciating the story :) and finding it refreshing.

    All the best to you too!

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  29. @Keerthi....true, some fights are short lived and others go on for ever...I hope mine falls in the earlier category.

    and, optimistic..yeh..thats what this goodbye is intended to be :) not all goodbyes ought to be sad ;)

    All the best to you too!

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  30. Hey Mayur that was a brilliant post.. U touched a vry emotional aspect of Indian family structure.. Most families have gone through sch experiences, though degree of estrangement may vary.. ATB :)

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  31. @Vee...i know its unfortunate! probably, it all boils down to EGO..and the reluctance to accept ones mistakes as one grows old!

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  32. @Vipul...Thanks Marshall!!!
    So glad to know you found it brilliant :)
    you are right, its very common in our families...and the sad part is...kids are never considered when the elders decide to turn their backs towards each other.

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  33. nice write up says the story of many estranged relationships. i could feel a little bit connected to it.

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  34. @Megharana....Thanks Lady! and welcome to my blog world :)
    Everyone must have gone through such family feuds at some point in time...
    How I wish they never happened.

    Keep coming back!

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  35. Nice to know that you decided to say goodbye to all those bitter thoughts of yesteryear. All the best!

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  36. I am not sure if saying goodbye and moving on is a good option... I have tried to fix things as much as possible when I have faced such situations. Howver if it cannot be fixed at all then I think if I still want to continue my relations and if they have caused me grief or its just that I have been adviced not to speak and will have to follow them...
    Narration is really good!!! Keep writing...

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  37. Simply wonderfully expressed.
    All the best for BAT-13.
    Cheers :)

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  38. Touches the heart! These are issues prevalent in every family!
    All the best!

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  39. @Nethra...yeh...holding on to your past only makes things worse...sometimes its better to let go!

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  40. @Tulsi madam...so happy to see you back :)

    Well...I am sure the narrator here must have tried his best to mend things...but there is only so much that you can say to your elders.
    Its only when you see no end to it..that you decide to reconcile to your fate. else you would never be able to get over it.

    And thanks for appreciating my story...means a lot to me! :)

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  41. @Shilpaji...Feels great to be appreciated by such a prolific writer! Thanks a ton!

    do keep coming back!

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  42. @Hiya...welcome to my blog world!

    Yeh, as u mentioned, these issue are prevalent everywhere no matter which part of the world you come from.

    thanks for dropping by to share your views :) appreciate that!

    Do keep coming back!

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  43. Nicely written, Mayur. Nothing is permanent, no good byes, no welcomes!

    Nashik is one of the places I've come to like, especially the Panchavati area.

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  44. @Anil...Welcome to my blog world!

    Thanks for dropping by and sharing your views :)

    Well Nasik was my favorite place too, not too long ago...until the change in circumstances.

    I remember visitng Panchavati and the Godavari flowing across it :)

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