About Me

My photo
I am a confused soul, trying to find the meaning of life. And I feel, there is no better way to see things clearly than to write them down. So I write...oops..type ;)

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Reclaiming Myself

As the rumblings of a journey gone by,
fade away into the sands of time;
I realise the pain of her and my,
I brought about in a fit of angst of mine.

Now as I wander among the debris,
which are the exploits of a lost victory;
I see the designs of an impervious mind,
which deluded myself into a conceited history.

I am afraid to embark on a new voyage,
coz breaking another heart would be sacrilege;
as were the deeds of a bygone era, gone sour,
so I wish not for me, but all joys for her and much more.

Being a reluctant traveller of life that I am,
I fear to set on a new journey or play blind;
yet, to stay rooted looks like a crime,
and to act, feels like committing an even greater crime.

I think, I seek forgiveness from all n sundry,
on whom I heaped the pains in such a hurry, and me;
though deserving I may never be,
yet I want to relieve me of the burden of pain,
But I know I am not worthy of being forgiven!

Saturday, June 19, 2010

18 june '10 the day gone by...

it was just another day..but too much crammed into a day.....
Last night ended with 3 or 4 pegs of whisky....at somewhere around 3 o clock at night at a friends place...went to sleep knowing pretty well that I had to go to school and teach at 9.30 in the morning. I was tensed as I was going to be the lead teacher for today as my co tutor Tulsi had planned to abstain. But to my surprise, received a wake up call from her at 8 in the morning..telling me that she is coming over to teach....the day couldn't have begun on a better note :) However, the moment i tried to get up from my bed, the realization soon set in that I had a bad hangover....maybe due to lack of sleep.There is no way I could go to school in such a state...that wouldn't be the right thing to do either...not just for me....but for others in particular. Something had to be done in an hours time, in addition to getting ready....seemed like a herculean task. As, I had stayed put at my friend's place overnight I checked with my friend for the recipe for spot hangover eradication drug ;) pop came the answer....lemon water ...with no sugar no salt. That was perhaps the worst juice i have ever had... nothing short of gulping in a bottle of chloroquine (anybody remembers the malaria drug). But no complaints any further. It did the trick. My head was now back on my shoulders, both figuratively and in a literal sense :)

Abhishek was suppose to join us today, which i had completely forgotten about until i received a call from him at 9 in the morning. Told him the way to school....hoping that I would reach there before he does....but never did i know that i was running a bit too late for my comfort......half an hour late :(.....called up Tulsi to take care of my friend...how many times does she have to come to my rescue ....thanks Madam :).
Finally, my friend Punesh dropped me near the school, and i hurried up to the school building. Caught with Abhishek, as it was his first day at school, and all other volunteers gathered outside, as the classes hadn't begun yet. Was especially glad to see Tulsi back having recovered from her illness and congratulating Srivardhan for his CEO award. Not to mention Krithika with whom I had planned today's classes. But all that planning went for a toss when we realised they had reshuffled all the classes. I was now suppose to take class 2 and 3 combined with Srivardhan and Sukanya (her first day of teaching at school :)).....the class began with us conducting a small quiz followed by dance by some kids and then teaching simple Q&A. It all went well with the naughty kids. However, I soon found out that my Kannada was still too lacking for my comfort...but then you learn as you teach which is what I have been doing for the past several months. Earlier Tulsi had to bear the brunt of my stupid questions..today it was the turn of Srivardhan and Sukanya....thanks guys :) After our classses got over, Abhishek dropped me home. He was very thrilled to be a part of this teaching endeavor.
It was already 12.30. As planned I started with cleaning the car with help from Dilip (our watchman), followed by washing two bucket full of clothes. Although I have a washing machine to help me out, it doesn't take away the entire effort :P.....As the clothes were being washed....cleaned up the bathrooms which was a back breaking task. It was 2 by the time i was done with the cleaning and the clothes. Was hungry and tired at the same time...haven't had anything all day....except for that lemon water :( my body overruled my appetite and i dosed off to catch up with my scant sleep at night. No sooner did the clock touch 2.30, my maid Lakshmi arrived. We had planned to clean up the mess in the kitchen which was the result of one month of neglect. What followed was a 2 and half hrs of clean up activity..killing cockroaches ;)...throwing away stale food...cleaning the fridge...and getting rid of all unnecessary items from the kitchen. i wanted my kitchen to be a lean manufacturing plant, with only things necessary for my survival :) Result was...4 bags full of trash :) meanwhile I kept up with my daily kannada lessons from Lakshmi.....but i was turning out to be a very poor student :( Our kitchen work ended by 5....and then I prepared 2 cups of tea for me and Lakshmi. It wouldn't have been possible without Lakshmi taking the lead in cleaning my kitchen :) All I could give back in return was a cup of tea and a reluctant promise to teach her kids when I am free...I hope I live up to my promise.

After she left, got busy with another round of washing ...this time a bed sheet and a blanket...and setting the kitchen right. It was already 5.30 and Punesh was suppose to pick me up by 6. Got ready and we left for the movie Raavan. Although the show was at 9, we had to have our lunch cum dinner .....and to this end we treated ourselves at McDonalds :) we stuffed ourselves to the brink and headed to the movie hall at whitefield which is more than an hours drive :( On the way picked up Divyesh and Swati. and there I was in the car surrounded by all HR folks....the lone victim of HR atrocities ;)... i couldn't emphasise more on to them that how little the HR meant to all the technical folks :P

The movie that followed..Raavan....was nothing short of a rubberband stretched to the limit which even defied Hooke's Law (for the scientifically inclined) :)....took a power nap during the movie and saw the movie ending with Ravan getting killed, although under questionable circumstances per the storyline.

While on our way home, I got pulled into another HR brainstorming exercise....me being the loner on the other side of the fence ;)....However, this did trigger in me a curiosity to understand HR a little more. After I reached home, I borrowed a book from Punesh (Employee Engagement post recession) to check out the latest HR trends and how they intend to understand us (or subvert our freedom :P) Read half the book till 3.30 at night until I realised that I had started feeling sleepy :)...by then I had figured out from the exercises in the book that I was at least 8-10 months away from quitting my current job..strangely, it made me feel more worried than happy :).. during these exercises I repeatedly called up Punesh (at 2.30 at night) to voice my disagreements with the HR practices mentioned in the book, which he calmly replied to :)

All in all....when I looked back at my day...I saw some myriad experiences intertwined in my day which I wanted to segregate. Hence this exercise of penning down my thoughts.....
Its 4.40 AM now and I dont want to see the light of the day before i go to sleep.....so goodnight and take care

Disclaimer: All you guys offended by my thoughts....please don't take me seriously :)